Everything You're Not
by VanessaBabyS
Summary: I never gave it any thought that I would break like this. I’ve never seen myself as a girl who let others bring her down. But then again I never knew she could do this to me. Demena Mitchie Alex Demi Selena


**I honestly did not know that it has been over 11 days since I updated anything. I am sooooo sorry, but I wanted to update Committed and when I was getting ready to type more to it before I posted it guess what? It was deleted off of my computer. I was pissed. I have stories besides homework that I will really just force myself to finish because I can't stand not getting reviews in my e-mail box. Anyway thanks for sticking with me, all of you are amazing and sorry for all the crappy waiting.**

I wish there was a way to stop these tears, to just force them to stop falling. I never gave it any thought that I would break like this. I've never seen myself as a girl who let others bring her down. But then again I never knew she could do this to me. I never knew she would be the one breaking me, using me, hurting me, and in some way destroying me. When you look at her she's this sweet and innocent girl who loves music, but sooner or later she uses it against you. She makes the chords of her guitar bleed your name, she lets the tune reach into your soul and just breaks you entirely. I lay against my bed crying hard. My face is buried into my pillow and its almost completely soaked. I guess three hours of hard crying can really do something. My chest is being pulled and twisted and yet I can still cry.

A large lump sits in my throat, it burns and yet I still can't stop the small reach for air that my lungs desperately call out for. She couldn't just come up to me and tell me that she didn't feel the same way, she couldn't just truthfully tell me that what we've had was just for fun. She couldn't just say that? Maybe she just wanted to play the game her way, until she went on tour with her other friends from Camp Rock. God Mitchie, I loved you, and I still love you and yet you continue to beat me down even when you're not here. Those words beat against my brain, those letters play tricks on my mind and still I can't stop hoping you'd come back and say it was some kind of joke. Some stupid and cruel joke on the girl you love. When did I become so desperate for you?

Just imagine ripping open a envelope from your girlfriend from her last stop on tour. In it sits a tape, old, but custom made with your name printed neatly across the lip of the thing, and a letter. Yes a letter, typed up by a computer but signed by the girl your heart was beating for. But soon that heart would stop beating and cause you to almost die in your own misery. Imagine quickly jetting to your room away from your mother and brothers, passing your father on the steps and sitting in your bed with the door closed before popping the CD into the radio. Just imagine that, and still you sit clueless to the heartbreak that would soon follow. A small hissing sound echoes in the room and I sit there waiting for anything, her voice, something. You imagine that. And when her voice rings into the air you squeal like a child for joy and cup the bear she gave you for your birthday a few weeks ago against your chest.

"I feel like music is the only way I can get you to understand this," she goes silent and nothing but background instruments strum through the room. You nod, just like I did and wait for her to sing. You wait because her voice sends chills down your spine, you wait because you know that one day you'll be able to kiss those lips that the words will soon flow from. But still you sit there unchanged by what will soon come to you. Just like I felt my heart explode and a lump form in my throat, my body grow still and my mind begin racing, you too would have experienced such a fate. I pull the letter up to my face, it's cut off by sections, I guess by every few words that would be sung. I smile, push my feet under me and squeal again when I hear her voice finally break through.

_I've been bruised and I've been broken  
Can't believe that I put up with all this pain  
I've been used and I was choking on the promise I would never fall again (umm)_

The letter read: You know how I've been in and out of relationships before I met you. And you know that I've put up with so much of the pain. And I remember when I told you I wasn't ready to fall in love again, I just, I couldn't.

_I used to sing to your twisted symphony  
The weights that had me, dropped inside your misery  
But now I know, the reason why I couldn't breathe_

I stopped at those words, choked almost like the words didn't make sense. Like I couldn't process them. I stared down at the letter in my hand and read what went along with it, and it went : I thought this was what I wanted. You were always there and soon I believed you were right. But honestly, I know why I couldn't stand being there with you.

_Cause all I want is everything you're not  
So go ahead and slam the door  
Cause you can't shut me out  
No I don't  
Don't care what you say  
Cause all I really, all I really want, is everything you're not  
(never gonna break my heart again. Never gonna see my face again)  
Everything you're not (never wanna feel this way again)_

I was shaking by now, breathing was hard and yet I wanted to read what went along with this…….. : All I've ever wanted was something more. Like the boys I've been with before, I didn't want this. You can stump and scream and shout at me all you want because I know that this was love for you. I'll always be there with you no matter where you go in your life, and don't try to con me into coming back. Because all I want, is to not be like this. I want to have a boyfriend again, its what I've always wanted. And to make sure you can't make me be something I'm not, I'll keep my distance and you should do the same.

_Your darkness was my weakness  
But it turns out that it only went so deep. (Deep)  
A meaningless diversion,  
That is all that you ever meant to me (me, me, me)_

_And I am done with your twisted symphony  
The words that had me sound like stolen poetry  
I tore the pages and I can finally breathe_

I dropped the paper onto the bed. I thought about slamming my fist against the radio but I couldn't let this get to me. She was playing right? Some cruel joke? Some joke that I would…I placed the letter close to my nose. My eyes were hurting now. No tears fell as I read along: You corrupted me, turned me into something I wasn't. But I found a way out, to be my own person again. You only helped me get over my previous boyfriend and I thank you for that, but nothing else………..I didn't let the next course play through my ears. They were ringing now while they burned.

_I want a gentleman who treats me like a queen  
I need respect, I need love. Nothing in between.  
I will not spell it out for you if you can see  
Cause you're not worth it. You don't deserve me.  
And now I'm gone (everything you're not, not, not)  
Everything you're not (not, not)  
One, Two,Three!_

…. : I want a gentleman not a girl who thinks she close enough. I need everything a relationship can offer and nothing between a guy and a girl, nothing. I can't make you understand but you're not for me, you don't deserve me. I'm a guy's girl, not a girl's girl. And I'm gone, I'll stop your thoughts against me, I'll stop it all to make me happy. Because you can never be like the guys I've dated, no matter how hard you try.

_Cause all I want is everything you're not (thing you're not)  
So go ahead and slam the door cause you can't shut me out (shut me out)  
No I don't  
Don't care what you say  
All I really, all I really want is everything you're not  
(Never gonna break my heart again. Never gonna see my face again. Never wanna feel this way again)  
Oh Uh Oh Oh  
(Never gonna break my heart again. Never gonna see my face again. Never wanna feel this way again)  
Oh Uh Oh Oh  
(Never gonna break my heart again. Never gonna see my face again. Never wanna feel this way again)_

……….. : Take this as you want to, I know I'll always be with you in your twisted little mind Alex. We were amazing friends, but when you pushed us together it made me find a way to pull apart. I'm me again, so rather you like it or not, its over………..Her letter ends there. You feel like you've been hit hard in the face, just like I felt. You want to die, your heart won't beat right, you can't breath but all you have the strength to do is cut the tape off and fall against your sheets and cry. You let your heart out, you let it burn and you cry. The lump in your throat is causing damage but your heart won't let you feel it. You love this girl who has just given up on you. Your mind is racing, just like mine and you lay there wondering what you did wrong. Was it right for you to let her go on tour without you. Was it right to let her venture out into the unknown where someone who truly wants to corrupt her can. The months apart was killing you let alone the amount of time you spoke on the phone. But just like me, you find out if it was meant to be. If all of this was planned by the companies and our parents. I pull my face away from my pillow and toss my radio against the wall. She can't just say this was all for nothing but maybe your brain cant process the actions of the girl you still loved. She was wrong about everything she put in that letter, but one this was completely true. You, just like me, would never be able to erase her from your memory.

**It's a sad ending, but I felt like getting this out after thinking about that song for over three days. Also I wrote more to a story with Tomatoes so I had inspiration.**


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